Groomsmen 101

Duties of the Groomsmen

• Like the bridesmaids, you'll have to pay for your wedding gear. Luckily, you can usually rent a tux for quite a bit less than what the bridesmaids' dresses will cost. Be sure to get fitted at the specified store with time to spare -- you don't want to walk down the aisle in floods!
  
• Attending all pre-wedding festivities (engagement party, couple shower, bachelor party, rehearsal dinner). Perks: Free vittles and drinks.
  
• Helping the best man plan the groom's bachelor party. Perks: Good food, drinks, and perhaps some insights into female anatomy.
  
• You'll conspire with the best man -- and the bridesmaids -- to decorate the honeymoon getaway car in style.
  
• Before the ceremony, you may be asked to usher guests to their seats. At traditional Christian ceremonies, guests of the bride's family sit on the left, and guests of the groom's family sit on the right. At Jewish ceremonies, it's the opposite. When a couple arrives, take the woman's arm and escort her to her seat; her escort will follow you. Always seat the oldest woman first if several guests arrive together. You should arrive at the ceremony site at least 45 minutes early to review special seating requirements.
  
• Be prepared to serve as information central, directing guests to restroom facilities and to the reception site.
  
• Purchase a wedding present, perhaps with one of the other groomsmen. This provides more buying power, and two heads are better than one when it comes to gift ideas. Sometimes the entire groomsmen gang pitches in for one knock-them-off-their-feet wedding gift.
  
• At the reception, you may be introduced with the bridesmaid you escorted during the recessional. You may also be asked to dance with bridesmaids or single female guests during the evening. Wow, how easy is this?

Best Man Basics

• Serve as the groom's personal aide and adviser before and during the wedding. This can include helping him pack for the honeymoon (the valet part).
  
• Help the groom choose and rent (or buy) wedding formalwear, and coordinate the other groomsmen's rentals. You guys are supposed to match, after all! You may be expected to arrange accommodations for out-of-town groomsmen.
  
• Organize the bachelor party. Don't be shy about enlisting other groomsmen to help you out -- most guys don't mind this duty! Put financial worries out of your mind -- the cost should be split among everyone who attends the bash.
  
• Attend the rehearsal dinner with the bride and groom and all the other attendants. This is your chance to figure out how you're supposed to walk down that aisle.
  
• Stand beside the groom at the altar and keep the bride's ring until vows are exchanged. Find a safe place for the ring (and make sure your pockets don't have holes) -- you don't want to fumble around when it's time to whip it out.
  
• Corral the other groomsmen and make sure they're performing their duties listed above.
  
• Sign the marriage license as a witness after the ceremony, along with the maid of honor.
  
• Give the officiant a sealed envelope with his or her fee (the groom's responsibility) just after the ceremony.
  
• You may be announced with the maid of honor when the reception begins.
  
• Dance with both the honor attendant and the bride during the newlyweds' first dance.
  
• Give the first toast to the bride and groom at the reception. This is your biggest -- and probably most frightening -- duty. Read our toasting ideas below.
  
• Collect any gift envelopes guests bring to the reception. You may be asked to deposit them in the couple's bank account or at least to keep them until the couple returns from their honeymoon.
  
• Decorate the getaway mobile. Grab the other groomsmen and the bridesmaids for this one.
  
• Drive the couple to the wedding-night hotel or airport after the reception. If you perform this service, you'll need to stay sober throughout the reception. If you have a feeling this may not be possible, hire a limo to drive the couple into the sunset.
  
  The wedding will be over in the blink of an eye, so remember to enjoy yourself at the reception. After all, you're there to celebrate the happiest day of your best friend's life.
  

Great Toasting Ideas

Want to start your toast with a bang? We’ve collected 25 quotes on love, marriage, and the union of two souls. Cruise below to find the perfect words.

1. Marriage, n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary," 1911

2. Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
-- Mae West

3. One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.
-- Sophocles

4. Love is blind -- marriage is the eye-opener.
-- Pauline Thomason

5. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
-- Rita Rudner

6. To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
-- Ogden Nash

7. A good marriage is at least 80 percent good luck in finding the right person at the right time. The rest is trust.
-- Nanette Newman

8. Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
-- Groucho Marx

9. The absolute yearning of one human body for another particular body and its indifference to substitutes is one of life's major mysteries.
-- Iris Murdoch

10. Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it.
Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it.
Hatred darkens life; love illumines it.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.

11. Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you."
-- Erich Fromm

12. Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

13. A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.
-- Anonymous

14. To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be happy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness.
-- Woody Allen

15. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
-- Victor Borge

16. Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.
-- Rabbi H. Schachtel

17. And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.
-- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

18. Marriage is the golden ring in a chain whose beginning is a glance and whose ending is Eternity.
-- Kahlil Gibran

19. Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.
-- Barnett Brickner

20. There is no more lovely, friendly, and charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage.
-- Martin Luther

21. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
-- Mignon McLaughlin

22. Marriage should be a duet -- when one sings, the other claps.
-- Joe Murray

23. The great secret of successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters.
-- Sir Harold George Nicolson

24. Love is the lifespring of our existence. The more love you give, the happier you feel and the more love you will have within you to give.
-- Susan L. Taylor

25. Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
-- Kahlil Gibran

Gifts for the Groomsmen

If you spaced while your bride-to-be explained the dos and don'ts of groomsmen gifts, fear not. We’ve compiled answers to your most pertinent present-oriented questions. Cruise below to get the straight dope on gift giving and do right by your guys.

WHEN TO GIVE
There are various moments when it is appropriate to give your groomsmen and ushers their gifts. Traditionally, grooms distribute gifts at the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, especially if your gift is something (such as cuff links or a watch) your guys will wear during the ceremony. Otherwise the morning of the wedding day itself is fine.

HOW TO GIVE
Take a moment to spend privately with each groomsman and usher. It needn’t be long: Five minutes is great. The order of gift giving doesn’t really matter; your schedule (and your groomsmen’s schedules) will most likely dictate who goes first. You can choose to wrap or not wrap the gifts. If it’s something the groomsman is going to be wearing right away, it may be best not to wrap it. While handing over the loot, be sure you tell each pal how much it means to you that he’s standing up for you at the wedding. If you feel comfortable with writing out your thanks, give each man a card or note along with the gift. If you find that sort of mushy stuff a bit too much, be sure to at least tell your guys how much you appreciate them.

WHAT TO GIVE
Try to avoid giving generic gifts. You can always be innovative and buy the guys sporting gear, game or concert tickets, or electronic gadgets (such as a Gameboy or a Palm Pilot). If nothing specific pops to mind when thinking up groomsmen gifts, take a look at our articles specifically meant to generate gift ideas. See Great gifts at Amazon for a bonanza of ideas. If you still can't come up with a good idea stick with the tried and true: traditional items such as cuff links, beer steins, monogrammed flasks, and cigar paraphernalia.

HOW MUCH TO SPEND
How much you spend is entirely up to you. If you’re already knee-deep in debt due to wedding expenses, don’t feel obligated to hock your guitar to buy golden cufflinks for the guys. Spend what you can afford, be it $15 or $150. We’d say around $50 is an appropriate groomsman gift price tag. And since your best man has a bit more responsibility (and is closest to your heart), you may want to spend a bit more on him. For example, if you decide on cuff links, splurge on gold ones for your best man; grab some cool silver ones for your other groomsmen.

If you put a little thought and heart into your gift, it will mean more than any old expensive tchotchke. A meaningful gift that’s still easy on the pocket? A photo of the guys taken at the bachelor party and placed in a simple, inexpensive frame.