Bridal Showers & Bachelorette Parties
Bridal Showers 101
Traditionally, a shower
is a party for the bride and her closest female relatives and friends, where she
is "showered" with love, good wishes, and gifts. Where to start to
tackle the task? Don't fret. We've got shower-planning basics nailed down to ten
easy tips.
WHO PLANS IT
Shower hostess is in the honor attendant's job description -- but she should ask
for help from the other bridesmaids, the bride's sis, even the bride's mom.
Emily Post types might tell you moms shouldn't plan a shower because it looks
like she's trying to get gifts for the bride, but lots of mothers are very
involved in helping with this party -- especially when her daughter is the host.
Enlist anyone with the time and energy.
PICK THE RIGHT DATE
A shower can take place six months before the wedding or it can be the week
before. It can be a surprise for the bride -- or not. Up to you. Depending on
where most of the guests live, you may need to schedule it far in advance so
everyone can make their travel plans. If most people are local, you'll have more
options. Once you've picked a date, set up a planning schedule. Brainstorm as a
team about the party -- themes, locations, and entertainment -- early on. Divvy
up tasks such as getting/sending the invitations, making the decorations, and
coordinating the menu.
DECIDE ON THE BUDGET
Before you start fantasizing about a full spa treatment for fifteen, determine
who is paying for this shindig and how much it is going to cost. For fancy
fetes, it's kosher to ask all the bridesmaids to help out. Be clear about what
everyone owes from the very beginning, though. And make sure all dollar
exchanging takes place in advance.
THE IDEA
Is the bride a traditional tea party type of girl? Would she be thrilled about a
cozy shower at home, or is she expecting the works in a hotel ballroom almost
the size of her reception hall? Does she have specific passions (art, gardening,
traveling, the color pink) that might lend themselves to a special shower? Keep
in mind that themes often make planning easier -- and more fun, because you can
use your imagination to add special touches to the invitations, gifts, food, and
entertainment.
THE LOCATION
You can be as creative as you want about where to have the shower. A list of
options: a picnic in a park or at the beach; a backyard barbecue; an Italian
restaurant; a hotel salon; a botanic garden; a bakery. Keep in mind that party
spaces get booked early in busy seasons, like during the holidays. Call about
availability before you get your heart set on something. And obviously, prices
may be a factor.
THE GUEST LIST
Everyone invited to the shower should also be invited to the wedding. Ask the
bride to help out with the shower guest list. If it's a surprise, consult with
her mom, groom, or sister. If it's a bridal shower (just the girls), make sure
the bride's and groom's close female relatives are invited, as well as
all the women in the wedding party and the bride's close girlfriends. If it's a
couple shower, make it a coed guest list.
THE GIFTS
It's a good idea to suggest that the bride and groom register for gifts prior to
the shower. In the shower invitations, include information about where guests
can purchase presents. (Yes, this is okay etiquette-wise.) If you want guests to
bring gifts in keeping with a theme, include special instructions. Just make
sure there are related items on the registry so the soon-to-be newlyweds don't
get unwanted gear. Investigate any special discounts you can pass on to
shower-gift buyers.
THE INVITATIONS
Don't feel like you have to go nuts with the invites. They should reflect the
formality (or informality) and theme of the shower, but they can be as simple as
those cute ready-made cards available at any card store. Make sure guests RSVP
to someone (the MOH, the bride's sister) by a date that's at least a few weeks
before the shower. If many guests will be coming from out of town, mail the
invitations at least two months before the party -- if not earlier -- so those
who need to can make travel arrangements. If it's an in-town thing, four to six
weeks should be enough time.
MAKE A MENU
If you're having an at-home shower, think about having the party catered -- food
can be anything from a five-foot hero to fried chicken and potato salad to dim
sum. If you're doing a theme shower, make the food match. Are the bride and
groom honeymooning in Venice? Do an Italian theme with a full-on pasta bar.
Don't forget hors d'oeuvres -- be it bowls of pretzels and chips, crudites (raw
vegetables and dip), or the bride's mom's famous mini-pizza rounds! For dessert,
serve cake, and/or pastries, cookies, pie, ice cream -- either homemade or
supplied from the yummiest bakery in town. If you're having the shower in a
banquet hall or restaurant, work with the manager/host to come up with a
delicious menu. Keep in mind the bride's taste and any special guest needs such
as vegetarian or kosher dishes.
THE ENTERTAINMENT
Primary activities at any shower: eating, laughing, and gift-opening. One
bridesmaid (often the MOH) should keep track of which guest gave which present,
and another should make sure cards stay with the right boxes -- then thank-you
notes won't be a nightmare for the bride. Background music (in keeping with the
theme, if it lends itself) is a good idea and some planned activities will keep
the party moving at a nice pace.
Above all: Don't stress too much. The shower should be a fairly laid-back,
intimate party for the bride and her closest relatives and friends -- of which
you are one. Make sure you have fun, too.
Bachelorette Basics
Bachelor parties have been a wedding tradition
since the so-called Olden Days, when they gave the groom a chance to "sow
his wild oats" before marriage. We are well out of that dark age (thank
goodness!), and these days women celebrate imminent weddings with their closest
pals too. Need some help with this night on the town? Read our complete
bachelorette party guide.
WHO HOSTS?
Virtually anyone can host a bachelorette party. Often the maid of honor and
bridesmaids, who are close to the bride, do the honors, but any friend, relative
(a cousin, for example), or even coworkers who feel the urge can plan this
party.
THE GUEST LIST
Shower guests must all be invited to the wedding, but this isn't necessarily
true for bachelorette parties. Chances are that most bachelorette party guests
-- who are generally the bride's best gal pals -- are wedding guests, too, but
it's fine to invite coworkers or neighbors who may not be invited to a small or
out-of-town wedding. Just be up front with them about your limited wedding guest
list -- you don't want to disappoint any well-wishers. It's usually best to keep
this party pretty small -- definitely under 20, and under 10 is probably ideal.
DECIDE ON A DATE
Steer clear of the night before the wedding -- the last thing the bride needs is
a hangover! She'll be nervous enough; she shouldn't have to worry about getting
sick. (The rehearsal dinner is usually scheduled for that night, anyway.) If the
wedding is in a town other than the bride's hometown, you might want to have the
party before she leaves; even if the wedding is local, party at least 2 or 3
nights before the big day.
PLAN AHEAD
One person can plan the entire bash, or several people (like the bridesmaids or
the clique from college) can collaborate. Some bachelorette hosts ask for a
donation from each guest or co-host, depending on the type of party -- whether
you're renting a private room in a restaurant or taking everyone for an
afternoon of spa treatments, for example. That contribution may range from $50
to $200, but the bride shouldn't have to contribute a dime. Be reasonable and
don't go overboard -- you needn't put yourself in debt over this. A fabulous
time can be had by all for little money.
SPREAD THE WORD
Store-bought invitations will do, or make your own with a desktop publishing
program or paper, scissors, pens, and glue. Choose or design with a theme in
mind, even if it's as simple as the bride's favorite color. Some hostesses forgo
official invitations and just call guests a few weeks before the wedding -- it
all depends on the type of party you're planning. If you need to make
reservations for a show or other activity, you'll probably want guests to
officially RSVP. If you'll be hanging out at the corner bar, scrap the invites
-- a phone call is probably fine.
PARTY TIME
Bachelorette parties are more laid-back and less structured than traditional
bridal showers. There is no "typical" bash, though what usually comes
to mind is a group of giggling girls dragging the bride from bar to bar (maybe
encountering a sexy male stripper along the way) and making her blush in public.
You can paint the town red if that's your style (or, more importantly, the
bride's). But there are lots of other ways to celebrate -- a nice dinner at
someone's house or a favorite restaurant, low-key dancing at a cool club, a
concert (maybe Prince is in town and the bride absolutely adores him) -- the
list is endless. The point is to reminisce, laugh, act goofy, and embarrass the
bride at least a little (phallic props like wind-up mini penises are hilarious
-- as long as she won't get completely offended!).
TOKENS OF APPRECIATION
The bachelorette party is not a gift party in the same way a shower is --
presents are not necessary. That said, this is a great opportunity for guests to
give the bride silly gifts -- or even sexy ones (like the lingerie that was just
too risqué for the shower). You might ask everyone to bring a gag gift (one
guest we know presented the bride with a glamorous red wig to wear all night) or
something hot -- a book about fabulous sex complete with diagrams, or perhaps a
how-to video! Regression is another option -- give her candy necklaces or rings,
bubbles, glitter, or a water gun. The goal is for the bride and her guests to
just have fun before the wedding.
Must have party props
Wondering what to bring
to the bachelorette bash? At your average bawdy bride's send-off, you're likely
to find a bevy of beads, boas, phallic references, and bad behavior. As you gear
up for the hoopla, you can pull out all the stops or cut a few corners. Here's
the final word on what to put into your bachelorette bag of tricks:
1. THE HEADPIECE
You want everyone you encounter -- the limo driver, the mini-mart clerk,
bartenders, and cute guys at bars -- to know what's coming when they see your
hooting entourage. Mini-veils are the most popular ways to make the bride stand
out, but you can also have her wear a glitzy tiara, a bride hat, or better yet,
a hilarious wig.
2. THE DARE-TO-DO LIST
Create and bring a list of missions for the bride to fulfill throughout the
evening. A scavenger-hunt version requires the bride to score such items as a
condom, five men's business cards, a pair of boxer shorts, and other loot. The
dares list might include goofy -- but not completely humiliating -- acts such as
serenading an unsuspecting stranger, dancing on a table, or crank-calling an
ex-boyfriend.
3. SUCK-FOR-A-BUCK ACCESSORY
Pack a candy necklace for the bride to wear. This classic bachelorette party
stunt requires enlisting random willing males to remove the candies from the
bride's neck...with their teeth. The charge: $1 per bite. Can't find a necklace?
Just glue wrapped candies to a T-shirt and make the bride wear that instead.
4. A BIT OF BURLESQUE
Add a hint of hooker to the bachelorette's outfit to make her feel dangerous,
daring, and fabulously embarrassed. A feather boa is perfect. Encourage all
guests to bring a naughty accessory or article of clothing for the bachelorette
to wear at some point during the evening.
5. BLOW-UP DOLL
He's the only male guest allowed at the party. The best part? He's naked. Make
the bachelorette carry him around all night -- some groups choose to handcuff
him to her wrist (don't lose the key). The blow-up doll is also great way to
liven up at-home soirees, where drunken men won't be available for harassment.
6. X-RATED ESSENTIALS
Fearing that trip to the sex shop? Scaling a jungle full of penis paraphernalia
can quickly become overwhelming. Our advice: Make a beeline for the penis sipper
(a.k.a. "dickie sippie") and straws. Since the bachelorette is likely
to be boozing it up all night, these two items make the most sense, provide a
constant laugh, and allow everyone to get in on the phallic fun (there are six
straws per pack).
7. DISPOSABLE CAMERAS
When the party's over, the energy and excitement of the night will be reduced to
a few fuzzy memories. So don't let a single minute of the evening's debauchery
go undocumented. Bring at least two cameras so that no explicit scenes get
censored. The maid of honor should be in charge of retrieving the cameras at the
end of the night to guard them from any blackmail-prone situations.
Finally, to be extra-prepared, reconfirm your designated driver, and bring a
cell phone, extra cash, a train schedule, the phone number for a car or taxi
service, a street map, and a list of the bars you'll be visiting, with addresses
and phone numbers.
Naughty and nice gag gifts
The bachelorette party is prime time to make the bride cackle with a tasteless trinket -- or sex her up with suggestive style. Choose gifts that celebrate her checkered past, not to mention her bad habits and deliciously dirty mind. Think you have "naughty" all figured out? Let us entertain you -- here are nine ideas for gifts and gags.
1. FOR THE VAMP